This Is Why the World Hates Us

Hm, so I have a post to write but first I have a quick disclaimer. Since yesterday I've been getting a sharp, throbbing pain in the back right of my head in just one particular spot. Its very random, so if I suddenly stop writing, you can just assume I've had an aneurysm. Now then! Moving on!

So I went to the mall yesterday. It was awful. The mall used to be so fun. I was never a mallrat, but it might've been different if I had one solid family living in one spot near my friends. Speaking of which, just to digress for a moment, I'm currently dealing with a situation which I will describe in a second, private post, because I have a particular policy on here. It will be the starred post; use this link and if you want to read it then friend me or whatever. ::Link will go up soon:: Anyways, the trouble started the second I was in sight of the mall. By the way, Old Navy went well and I got my Halloween costume and its hot without being whore-ish. Sort of. Hehe. I was driving in the leftish-straight (shut up, Boyfriend) lane and I needed to merge right for the upcoming right turn I needed. The light turned green and I put on my blinker and pulled forward. The car to my right could've sped up or slowed down, but instead in ran right next to me. I sped up to pull right in the front, so it sped up. I slowed down to see about getting behind it, but, seeing how I was not trying to get in front of it anymore, it slowed down. I sped up again to get into the lane, so they sped up. God I really do fucking hate people so much. So I missed my turn and had to find a different way in, which wasn't very hard but its the idea of it. If people could ever cooperate and be civil we'd get so much more done. I have my own policy and, while its also critique worthy by some, it makes sense to me. Here it is: If you don't have your blinker on, you're an incompetant asshole and I'm not slowing down to make room for you to cut me off with about 3 inches between our cars. If your blinker is on, I will manuever my car to help you be where you'd like to be. Unless you're a shitty driver and then I'd be afraid to have you anywhere near me so pull into my lane at a significant distance behind me please and thank you.

So I had now made it into the parking garage. Why is she writing about the parking garage, you ask. Well, because the idiocy just seems to multiply once you get into a parking area. This was no exception and I was on the first floor just 2 seconds into the garage itself before I came in contact with an idiot. It was one of those people who sees someone pulling out of their parking spot and recognizes opportunity. Except they were also the kind of person who doesn't back up and make room for you to reverse out of the spot but instead pulls up on your ass and sits right in your way. I drove up and it was then that they decided to back up about a foot. They had plenty of room, as I was not too close yet, but once they parked themselves for good (still in the other driver's way) I started feeling like a jerk and drove right on up. They still had room enough to back up some more, but not the plentiful amount of space that they'd had originally when it would've made fucking sense. So. Fuck them. Finally the poor driver of the smushed in car got out and drove away and I was free to go on my way. Except not, cause someone didn't know how to pull forward into a parking space. ARRRGGGHHHHH. Before she (yah, I said it) could pull back up and make a twenty-point turn I snuck around and parked myself a few yards away. Not to sound like a dick, but I saw the woman (of course) getting out of the car and walking across the parking lot and it was worse than I thought and since I'm not the only asshole around here I'll just let you deduce what that meant.

So holy shit! I made it inside! Finally! I walked though JC Penney and that was pretty horrible in itself. I saw a fleece sweater, made for an adult woman, with a frosted blue and turquoise and rhinestone snowflake pattern on it that would've been only borderline acceptable in 1991...for a ten year old. Or maybe your grandma. Jesus JC Penney! At least try to pretend your customers have some fashion sense! And just an fyi, I was wearing Step-Dad's old sweatpants, rolled at the waist, with a tank top and a sweatshirt my Boyfriend used to wear in highschool. That his mom got from a consignment shop. That now has stains on it from paint and probably maybe food or something that I've dropped on it. And I've sneezed on it in the recent past because I had a cold. I don't think that stained, I guess its just sort of gross. And I was still stylin' enough to make fun of the items in JC Penney. That's bad. I tried to take a picture of the aforementioned sweater, but my cell phone is retarded and it wouldn't let me. I've deleted like twenty pictures and it still says the memory is full. That's going back to the store, have no doubt about that. Argghh, the store is in the mall where I was!!!! Well, I'm an idiot too. Moving on then.

I got out of JC Penney without puking on anything and almost got run over by a team of old ladies. Don't you love how when 5 friends go to the mall they just spread themselves across the aisle? PICK A LANE, LADIES. I drove on straight ahead because I wasn't going to stop and start and stop and fumble around them to continue walking. They could just pick a lane. There were, as usual, hordes of teenagers, and then there were the old ladies who don't know how to dress their age. I went by one woman with her hair dyed dark and a dress and coat on that matched lengths above the knee, black tights, and black ankle boots and honestly, she'd look hotter if she took her age into consideration. Instead she decided to wear something for a 40-year old or less and look like a wannabe joke. I actually passed by that snobby 50-something year old character with the sunken cheeks and botoxed forehead and gaudy makeup you see in movies! You know, the one carrying around the dog and looking down her nose at, say, her new daughter-in-law and doing a half-british/ half-I'm not sure what accent. It was sort of funny. They actually make you?? Had no idea.

I walked back and forth in the mall looking for a Halloween store in which to buy a part of Boyfriend's costume but, alas, there was no such thing. Besides Spencers. Damn that fucking place is scary. Hot topic has become a joke but in Spencers you nearly expect someone in a hockey mask to come up behind you with a knife. I didn't mind leaving. So once I knew my search was futile I kind of meandered around, since that's what you're supposed to do at the mall anyways. Meander and buy, buy, buy. I saw the pumas I wanted in a store, greeted the clerk standing at the door, walked over and checked the price, visibly gagged, bade the clerk adieu, and walked back out. A ways away I saw a real live puma store and, naturally only expecting something worse, made my way over there to find the same shoe for five more dollars. They have so many goddamn manniquins in there that I almost jumped when I saw two real people talk and move. Ugh. On the way over there a fucking bird flew by me from the rafters and I was like "Ahh! Was that a fucking bird??" Um yes, it was. So anyways, I came out and went to turn left to wander the rest of the mall but I was so disenchanted with the mall by then that I didn't even want to see what else there was.

I was interested in one store on the way back, so I stopped there with no intention of buying anything. The store is called Teavana and its got (what else) tea and tea kettles and tea accessories and books on tea and tea cups etc., etc., etc. I mulled around and a nice saleslady asked if I'd ever been there before and I said I had, a year ago. Apparently that made me less sellable because she left me alone after that. I checked the price on the smaller version of a kettle I bought somewhere else and it was laughable (a "Teavana Exclusive!" my ass). I made my way over to the books and looked around a found a cute little square book that had a Buddhist quote for every day of the year. It was inexpensive and I liked it, so I bought it and avoided the depression that comes with leaving the mall empty-handed which is another damneable trick of the mall. The girl at the counter was nice and cheery and asked me if I wanted any tea with that, which confuses me since I had looked around the whole store already and if I wanted tea wouldn't I have picked some out and brought it up with my book? Instead of saying that I just said no and then proceeded to be even more obnoxious than I would've been had I just commented on my lack of tea and the reasoning behind my confusion over her question. My mother would've been appalled (and was when I told her about it later) but I have much less tact than my mother and in fact less tact than most people it seems and I actually had the gall to say, "Do you sell alot of this stuff?" which of course they do and she responded in kind, to which I continued, "That little shogun teapot over there is 69.95 and I got the larger one at Homegoods for 20 bucks." I knew she didn't care and couldn't do anything about it but I guess I just wanted to tell her as an fyi and maybe she might think its funny because she maybe knows how ridiculously her employer prices their items but there's also the chance that after I left she was like "did you hear what that girl just said?" to her coworker. Whatever. I was nice to her and refused a bag and thanked her and told her to have a nice day too, so hopefully I wasn't a heathen in the world of consumerism. Hey, everyone's looking for a deal. Maybe her discount is shitty. Actually compared to Homegoods regular pricing, her discount would be hella shitty no matter what is was. And the tea? I didn't check their price on that but I'm willing to bet I could buy the same tea in bulk for a fraction of what they're selling it for in cute little containers with a cheap pasted copy of a famous painting of a samurai on the front.

ANYWAYS. I got back out to my car and drove home and actually listened to half of that song from the nineties that's like "I'M COMING OUT, I WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW, GOT TO MAKE IT SHOW- I'M COMINGG" but only because Nickelback was on every single other station I tried I swear to god. When I got sick of it (after thirty seconds) I tried again and found "SOS" by Rihanna, which I love, and stuck with that. For once I was incredibly happy to leave that plethora of consumerism which is the dreaded mall and I can assure you that I will not go near the place during Christmastime and possibly ever again. Boycott the mall!!

FIN