I'm Irritated By...#3

...people in the grocery store. Not just any grocery store- grocery stores that are slightly nice. I'm talking pretty much anything nicer than Stop & Shop, like, say, Wholefoods or Market Basket, or even Roche Bros. Now don't get me wrong, I despise pretty much everyone at the grocery store, but the people in Stop & Shop are just kind of confused; the people in Wholefoods are entitled yuppies. Let's start with one of the best parts: the parking lot. The parking lot is actually a wonderful analogy to what goes on inside the grocery store. Entitled assholes move around, get in your way, cut you off, and don't give any consideration to anyone but themselves. Wow, looks like this post is pretty much complete. But don't think I'll won't give any examples! My anger actually began when I wasn't even in the damn parking lot! I drove off the main road onto a side road that acts as a meeting place from one main road to its parallel and in the middle are various stores. I stopped before taking my left into the parking lot to give some room and let other cars take a left out of the parking lot. I think this makes sense as it is difficult to take a left out of pretty much anywhere where there is traffic and no lights and it is quite annoying sitting in a line of 10 waiting to move an inch in the ways of getting home in the evening. It also makes sense to help out and give people the chance to LEAVE the parking lot so yourself and others can easily navigate and fit in. I flasher some woman to take the oppurtunity and OF COURSE the asshole behind me beeps at me. I was ready to throw up the middle finger and I should've but for some reason I haven't started doing that quite yet. I'm trying to keep my road rage at the level its at. So I let the woman go and then make my left turn into the parking lot and tried to make it a little jumpy so the dick would stay off my back. I drove straight to the back of the lot and all the way to the far side to find a spot because things didn't look to promising near the front and I donh't mind the walk. As I closed in on the corner I came up on someone sitting and waiting. They were just sitting there, so they probably wanted a particular spot, and I drove around. I found a parking spot and wheeled on in and looked back to see what was going on with the people who'd been sitting. They were waiting for a (tiny bit older than) middle-aged woman backing a small SUV out of a spot. There was no one in the way and plenty of room between her and the waiting car but she was coming out inch by inch and stopping to pull back in and back out and back in and back out. I got out and locked up my car and she was still in the process of a twenty-point turn and her successors were STILL waiting for their spot. It was like the type of parking I did at 16 when I had barely any distance perception whatsoever except it was way worse and I was driving my dad's minivan. I was making my way down the row of cars before she got herself all the way out of that spot, I kid you not.

So I made it into the store and probably encountered a few people walking out the in door because that always happens and it pisses me off. I used to work at a chain pharmacy in high school and there were two doors at the entrance, side by side. They were identical and neither said "in" or "out" but you could pretty much always bet on that if you were wiping down one door, people would stand outside it waiting for you to finish. Sometimes I didn't. THERE WAS AN IDENTICAL DOOR TWO INCHES AWAY. This would happen on either side. I could have made a movie akin to "Clerks" about that place. So anyways. I made it in and grabbed a basket and went straight for the fish counter. I gave the owman who was already there plenty of room cause its annoying to A) Have someone up your ass and B) Watch the person next to you get called on when you were there first.* She motioned me up because she was asking her husband questions about dinner on her cell phone and the guy at the counter took care of me and my salmon. It was a good start. Then I went towards the produce. Everything got 100% worse. People jammed all the spaces between the bins with their carts and bodies and stood in one place forever looking around them like they'd never been there before. Like say you have four bins and space in between them all to walk. People think its totally cool to just park it right in the crossroads of the bins and stand there for 2 minutes. There's no one trying to get around them or anything. Me and my basket manuvered through these pinheads and failed to find asparagus. There was nasty looking white gourmet asparagus but that was it. Dude, even Stop & Shop has asparagus on a daily basis. So, since asparagus is fucking expensive enough as it is, I passed and got the default- broccoli. Can't go wrong with broccoli.
Next I made my way towards the aisles and as I passed the deli and cheese I was halted by a woman pushing her cart at negative 5 miles an hour following her 6 year old son who was pushing his own cart at about the same speed. She saw me and three other people shuffling along behind her but failed to do anything about it. I took the long way around the cheese display in a sour mood and made it by them in record time. I moved on towards the dairy and as I closed in I literally bounced off a pole as it didn't occur to me that my width was much increased by a plastic grocery basket. I lightened up a little.

I walked down the aisle trying to find the pasta sauce, which they had hidden like it was a fucking treasure hunt, and some woman in front of me saw what she wanted, parked her cart in the center of the aisle and walked over to the left, barring the largest opening there had been. Me and my basket hung tight and fumed big hate vibes in a futile effort to push her out of the way. When she finally moved I zipped around her (I showed her) and made my way to the counters. I found an open register and put my stuff in front of a boy who looked to me no more than 17 years old. he picked up my artichoke and was like, "This is an artichoke, right?" No, its a grape, charge me 5 cents. He was like the nicest person i'd run into there and it made sense since he worked there. So I left and ran into 5 more dumbasses who lose the ability to drive in a simple grid of a parking lot.

*This one time at Wholefoods, I went up to the fish c0unter where there was already an older woman and a middle aged woman waiting. The older woman was first in line, then the middle aged woman, then me. When the fish market kid was freed up, he immediately walked over to me and asked me how he could help me. The other women had clearly been there before me and I pointed to the one who was first in line and he went over to her. A second fish guy came back from break or something and came straight over to me and asked me what I needed. I pointed to the other woman and said that she'd been there before me. He helped her and finally came to me. It made me wonder how 40 year old women feel when shit like that happens. Its not very nice. Makes me not want to get old.